Why I decided to return to school The Purpose of my essay is to give my readers some high in sight on a few different challenges in my life that helped motivate me upon my return to school. I am a single 45 year old divorced woman with six children. I needed a good paying job and a college education to be able to continue supporting my family. I am also the youngest child of four and the light of my mother’s eyes. I was once married to my children’s father for 20 years. My ex-husband was always the bread winner for our family, so I had no worries. He worked for the park district in the city where we lived.
I was going to school full time and taking care of the children. My two oldest children are boys and they are grown men now 25 years old and the youngest son is 22 years old. They both are out on their own and the oldest son has two children. A boy and a girl, their names are Ryan Jr. and my granddaughters name is Savannah. All of my children are the light of my life, as well as my grandchildren. I was 25 years old when I got married to my ex-husband. We had been together 5 years prior to getting married. He was the light of my life, the sun in the morning to me, so to speak.
I was a full time student and my husband at the time was a foreman. I went to college after I had graduated from high school. However, I dropped out of college because I met my now ex-husband and we moved out of town to New Orleans, LA. We lived there for about a year and I got pregnant and I had my first son down in New Orleans. I was so excited about our first son. Everything seemed to be going just fine. Then three years later I became pregnant again and this time it was my second child (son). Again, we were very excited for the birth of our second son. As happy as we both were, things seemed to be changing before my very eyes.
As time passed, I would say after about five years, we decided to get married. After marrying, we decided to move back to Illinois so we could be closer to our families. At the time that seemed perfect, since we were having children and we were starting to need sitters and just the support from our families. So, we packed up the kids and moved back to Illinois. Once there, we got settled in and we began looking for jobs. We bought our first house and then we both got great jobs. I was a teacher assistant and my husband got on as a foreman at the park district. My mother babysat for us and everything seemed to be oming together as we had planned. We had been home in Illinois about six months and everything that was good began to turn bad. My great life was turning for the worse all before my eyes. My husband was starting to abuse me physically and he had also started cheating on me. Well, he had promised to never do it again and I wanted to believe him, not to mention I wanted to keep my family intact. I was brought up that family was everything, and a family that prays together stays together. My parents had been married 45 years and it was just unheard of where I come from.
Time had passed on (7 years to be exact) and things had gotten better for us and we talked about expanding our family some more and that is what we did. I became pregnant in 1997 with our first daughter, Maurice. I named her after her dad. Crazy, I know but I did it with no remorse at all. Then, a year later I was pregnant with our fourth daughter, Mauriah. Everything was back in full swing again, I and Maurice were happy as ever and we had our four children that we were blessed with. I was working full time and so was Maurice, so we really didn’t have a care in the world, so I thought.
As time passed, Maurice had got a raise and a higher position at his job. All had been going well, and then I found out again I was pregnant with another girl. I was a bit surprised because the other children had pretty much been planned, but now we were on our fifth child and the raise my husband had received was now starting to leave with all of our children. It didn’t matter because we had fought bigger storms than that and managed to make it through. I loved my husband and what he wanted pretty much made sure that I complied with it. Our family was expanding and I was happy and I felt great about it.
Then sure enough, two years later I had my sixth child. It was another girl and that was my true blessing, because I wasn’t ready for her and I had considered having an abortion. I asked Maurice to take me to get an abortion in St. Louis because I was so far along I had to go out of state to where they could meet my needs. We arrived at the clinic and I just couldn’t do it. I had prayed about it and I just could not go through with the abortion. I’m glad that I didn’t, she is just amazing to me. However, things were starting to change all over again for my husband and myself.
Maurice was back to his old tricks of physically abusing me and cheating. I was home with the kids one day and one of his mistresses had come by our house looking for him. I was livid and mentally crushed after the lady had told me she was sleeping with my husband. When Maurice came home I told him what had happened and of course he wormed his way out of it again. I knew he was lying but I also had six kids and was working full time. I would have to be a millionaire to try to keep up the way I was accustomed to living. Not to mention I wanted to keep my family together.
I was mentally sickened with all of the mental and physical things that I was being put through by the man I trusted with my life. I depended on him to be the best husband and father that he could be. However, he let me down. He then apologized for the millionth time and he got me back by telling me that I could quit my job and go back to school. That was my Maurice’s way of making up to me since he had cheated and abused me when I had been nothing but good to him. In the mist of me getting emotionally tied into more of the lies and deceit, I turned in my two week notice.
Things seemed to be okay at least I was getting the opportunity to get my degree like I had always wanted to do. Maurice tricked me back into his good graces and all was well between the two of us. About a year later history began to repeat itself. I was going to a junior college in my hometown and I started hearing rumors again about my husband and I was a full time student and full time mother. I had tons of homework to do on top of my normal duties as a wife and mother. I was literally mentally exhausted from the rumors, homework, kids, no good husband and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I had hit rock bottom, I really didn’t think I was going to make it mentally. I was trying to be strong because I didn’t want my children to know that their father was up to his old tricks again, but all along I was the only one in denial. I had later found out that they knew anyway, just because it was a small town. My mother and father were my support system and I didn’t have anyone else I could depend on. Then shortly after my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, my father took ill and we found out he had cancer as well.
I was going crazy, because we were such a close knit family. My father was in the last stages of cancer and he took chemo but it didn’t help. It was too far gone and it spread very fast and in a matter of months we lost my father. I was devastated and my mother was in chemo still and my husband was not there for me. I prayed about my situation and filed for divorce. I didn’t know what I was going to do for money and I had just lost my father also. I felt doomed and so alone. Before the divorce was final my husband made one last attempt to get me back.
However, I was done so I refused to even consider taking him back. I had to think about my children and what message I was sending them. Finally, I divorced my husband and I had nowhere to turn. I thought about my children first and my mother second and right then and there I knew if I wanted to keep up with the life style I had been accustomed to then and now, I needed an education. I decided to work full time and go back to school and get my education. I made a promise to my kids, mother and self that I would get my degree in education if that was the last thing that I did.
I want to be able to give my children everything that they need and I would like to be able to financially take care of my mother. My mother has been my anchor from day one and she never once complained. The least I can do is please her along with myself and get my degree. I am the baby of four and everyone has their degree except me, and my mother told me that would be gift enough to see her baby graduate from college. Then I knew I had no other choice, so I prayed about my final decision and here I stand. God saw fit for me to continue my education in spite of and he made a way out of no way.
I had to hit rock bottom mentally and physically for me to get myself together. It was all worth it in the end, because I have a piece of mind and I am at peace with myself. I heard about Ashford from a friend in another state and I am now a full time student at Ashford University. I just hope that my misery can be someone else’s ministry, and to let the world know that if GOD can bring me through the storm he can bring anyone through it. Look at GOD, isn’t he awesome! And these are the few different reasons why I chose to go back to school.